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Now .. in reality the day was not so bad. I accomplished a great deal at work. But after I got a bit of bad personal news I felt somewhat “desolated”

Tomorrow is another day and of course, it will be better. In the meanwhile, enjoy this composition.

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Pooh came to us in an unlikely manner. At the time my wife was teaching in South Central LA. She saw a group of kids gathered around. She thought the worse but as it turned out it was a puppy. She called me and said: “come get your darn dog!!”. That was a rainy day on January 1996!!

Pooh shared many adventures with us. From hiking and climbing in the Sierras or High Desert, to trips to Mexico. He shared and participated in the adventure of raising our kids and more often than not, in his way, interceded for them. He was with us through many adventures. And he will continue to live through our continuing adventures through our memories of him. From a little shivering puppy, through a persnickety old dog, we love him and it was my privilege to share my life with him.

]]> http://fabianschonholz.com/2011/05/24/der-poohs-eulogy/feed/ 0 fabianschonholz Pooh http://fabianschonholz.com/2011/04/25/the-devil-catcher-2000/ http://fabianschonholz.com/2011/04/25/the-devil-catcher-2000/#comments Tue, 26 Apr 2011 00:58:56 +0000 fabianschonholz http://fabianschonholz.com/?p=451 ]]> My son had to do a book report; as a part of it he did the following video and the whole family got in in it. I am so proud of him and my daughter!! They rock !!!

I think about these question on a regular basis. There is not that much privacy in the world anymore. I can find out most things about almost anybody. And if I am willing to pay, it is even easier and the information even more complete. As prospective business partners, employers, customers, band mates, etc, research who I may be, they will happen upon this blog. So, is it wise for me to have a blog like the one I have been keeping?

I post all sort of things in this blog. From music (poor music ) I have recorded on my own or with my band, to business thoughts and ideas, experiences to cheap philosophical discussions. The blog has become an outlet for expressing myself at many levels. I write because it is therapeutic. It allows me to express myself to “my audience.”

And that in itself is an interesting question, who is my audience?

First and foremost I am my own audience. I write for myself. As I mentioned earlier, I find writing therapeutic just like I find coding therapeutic. But since I do not do much coding anymore, writing is it.

Writing is very powerful. It forces us to take the time to put our thoughts in order so we can write them down. As we put them down, we find how not in order our thoughts really were and then the writing process assists us in organizing our ideas. I am not very eloquent and often enough struggle with communicating my ideas – yeah .. some will call BS on this but that is because through writing I have overcome my lack of eloquence – thus writing helps me in such communication.

In write about everything I can think of. I have many posts started and in progress with titles such as:

•   Innovation as a version number

•   Does democracy really exist

•   Evolution, freedom and revolution

•   Building Datacenters

•   Social networks and cloud computing

•   The right to die

•   And other topics

First of all, these topics are of interest to me. Nothing is barred or taboo. They cover a wide range. From the definite business topic, to the intersection of business and technology, politics, philosophy, religion and much more. In many cases my writings were sparked by discussion I had with friends over dinner, drinks or hanging out. In other cases, they are answers to other posts found on the web.

Writing allows me to investigate my thinking in a paused and methodical manner. It affords me the time to think and research the topics I target.

Second, my family and friends. The blog is a vehicle for them to check on my “sanity” that many times is heavily questioned and contested. It is a way for me to share with them a part of me, in particular because I have friends all over the world. Facebook is the vehicle I use for communication, but the blog is the content of such communication.

It is said that in order to became a “full man” you need to plant a tree, write a book and have a kid. I have planted many trees, have had two lovely kids that I am very proud of – with the help of a great wife – but no book. This is the “book in progress.” The “full man” concept is really about what legacy we leave behind. This is just a part of it. And that is also why I include my music and other artistic outlets.

Third, business partners, clients, etc. They might find some of my writings interesting or even useful. In the case of business related topics, I use the blog as a means to keep as current as I can with technology concepts and ideas and business trends. I take a very strategic approach to what I write about. Am I right in my conclusions? Well … I think I am, but in the end, it does not matter. It is one possible conclusion amongst many other.

But here is where it gets a little dangerous. I am mixing personal posts with business writings. Basically, it appears that I am being careless in how I address my audience. The truth is that early on I decided I was not going to segregate my writings based on my audience. While I do keep many of my thoughts and other elements of my personal life private, I also strive for transparency; especially when it comes to business and business relationships.

Fourth, whomever finds it in their Internet travels. There is a big world out there that is getting smaller and smaller everyday. This is just my grain of sand

Now, this post may sound like a justification. And it is a justification to me in terms of the decisions I continue to take. I few years back I realized that I was still holding on to ideas, concepts, decision, certain values that I had set on between the ages of 15 to 20 and 25. While I am the same person at the core, I am not the same person overall. I have lived many experiences since then that need to be factored in. So, I re-evaluate many of my earlier thoughts and decisions continuously. Writing this post is just another re-evaluation.

In 2004 I found myself re-evaluating many aspects of my personal history and behaviors and as the crisis developed I found myself observing many of the elements I was instructed to loath by my upbringing. Harsh huh?

Here I was in the Chabbad of the South Bay mingling with religious folks, studying the Torah, having fantastic discussions, enjoying myself and finding a new sense of community that I had not had since I had left Argentina 20 years back. It felt good. Very quickly my crisis was under control and life continued on. New friends, new challenges, my kids going to Sunday school and beginning to understand more about their heritage, who they were as part of a people and the challenges that Jews continue to face every day.

The High Holidays came around and I spent them for the first time at temple. I had contributed a little money to the community through the Rabbi. I think that as a whole it was $1000k or less. It was not that I was at the top of any list. However, during the Yom Kippur services I was called to hold the Torah. I did not want to go but it is such an honor. I was there to meditate, to be with the community, to be with myself on such a holy day. I went up to the Torah and held it. During Iskor I cried. I felt such a connection to my father that it overwhelmed me.

It is important to note that I am opposed to religion, but just as my father, grandfather and uncles, I feel a bond to Judaism that is unbreakable.

High holiday after high holiday, Shabbat after Shabbat, Purim after Purim we went to temple and celebrated. I even wore a Iarmikle for a while.

A couple of years later I moved about an hour north for a job. I was introduced to the local Chabbad Rabbi and enrolled my kids in their Hebrew School. All was good. My kids and wife felt their approach was too militant and pushy but they were committed to the “cause” so they dealt with it but for example, we never went to Shabbat services. One Sunday I get a call from the director of the Hebrew School regarding an auction they were having to raise money for the school and with an accusatory tone of “why aren’t you here” I was “invited”. I asked the Rabbi if I sent a donation would that please him and excuse me as I was in the middle of dinner at a friend’s. With scorn the Rabbi answered: It depends how much. The conversation continued for a while longer in a similar tone.

Now … While I do come from a very well to do family I am not well to do myself. As a matter of fact I struggle financially every day and have a hard time meeting some of my financial obligations – still, I am very fortunate in other areas – so whatever money I donate comes with some hardship for me. And to be honest, I’d rather pay for private lessons for my kids than to donate, still, when I can I do. I sent the Hebrew School director $250. It did leave me with a bad taste in my mouth, especially when in comparison to the South Bay Rabbi, he would make it easy and not “incriminatory” if you could not donate. That year I also donated $2000 to the community center as well.

The year went on and the High Holidays approached. I was warned that the ascensions to the Torah were auctioned off in the middle of the service and that it is a common practice. I did not fully appreciate the warning, in particular because:

A – I did not grow up in a religious context where that happened so I was ignorant of the practice.
B – because that was not the practice in the South Bay Chabbad and that was my only frame of reference.

I went to Rosh A’Shana services at the Hyatt Hotel. In one of the Ball Rooms. HUH??? Whatever happened to the synagogue? Apparently it is not big enough to host everybody that shows up. So? Neither is the one in the South Bay and they figure out ways to make it happen. And I promise you, the community in the north is way more affluent than the one in the South Bay.

So be it. Services at the Hyatt. I went. Not exactly a holy place, but the community was there so some of the energy was there as well. I fed from it. I started to “meditate” and quickly was transported to times of old. The mojo was strong with this community. You might think of me schizophrenic, but I saw myself at a court yard outside of The Temple a thousand years ago. I saw myself walking around and discussing Torah with others. I had been transported to the past. I was looking at the Temple as it was with my own eyes; I could not believe it. I was touching “God’s face with my hands”. And then somebody stood up and said: “Now we are going to auction off the ascensions”. I felt sick to my stomach. It took me three minutes to realize what was going on and when I did, I packed my Talit and left. The moment I was outside I vomited.

It was as though somebody had kicked me in the testicles really hard. I did not go back. And next year I spent Rosh A’Shana in the South Bay, where I was not interrupted. I have not gone back to temple really. In general the experience has jaded me somewhat. I am not opposed to collecting moneys. I am not even opposed to selling off the ascensions, but do not do it in the middle of a service. Do it in private so people like me that can not afford to play do not feel bad and can participate in the service anyway. Do not be exclusive and shame people. It is a community after all.

Beyond the emotional aspect of the experience and after a few years I have processed the events from a philosophical point of view and after everything is said and done, I think that what bothered me the most is the fact that it feels like the time of the second Temple. If you did not have money and were well to do you had no access to the Torah, in particular, to study the Torah. Really, we have not learned anything from our past?

I guess not.

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,900 times in 2010. That’s about 9 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 18 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 95 posts. There were 29 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 85mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was August 20th with 170 views. The most popular post that day was About.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were techcrunch.com, linkedin.com, vbulletin.com, stumbleupon.com, and facebook.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for ducks in a row, fabian schonholz, ducks, ethics and morality, and cigar box guitar.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

About August 2007

CV/Resume August 2007

Ducks, Rows, Lines And Business Processes February 2008

Bio August 2007

Ethics And Morality April 2008
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